I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
two words: eviction party
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
So vagazzling was a success
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
