please come you make the beer taste better
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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