He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
