I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
