Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
