alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
