i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I need to align my fucking chakras
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
