When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
