arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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