is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
