The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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