Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
the liver wants what the liver wants
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
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