I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize