there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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