i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
