the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
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