i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
