when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
