Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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