Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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