Define "chronic" masturbator.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
