remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
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