It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
