it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
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