one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
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