come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
