I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
