ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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