Don't you send me to vm
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
