I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Randomize
