this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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