Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
