so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
