i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
