My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
