genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
