I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Randomize
