so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
