babies were throwing up all over the place
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
