i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
