My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
