I just cut my nipple shaving
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
