Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I wish my penis had an off switch
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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