If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Randomize
