Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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