My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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