I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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