I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Randomize