Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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