Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I just gargled with NyQuil
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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