Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize