Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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