2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
