The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
She just used a chaser for red wine.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I wear drunk well.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
