We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Shame - the story of my life.
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