if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
