If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I have tasted many bathrooms
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