you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
