i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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