I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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