I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
