Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
