We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
