i jhust puked up my retainher.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
