ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
