My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
