We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
im holly from the hills drunk
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
