i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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