I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
